Iffffffffffff you know me at all or have read more than 3 of my blog posts you probably know I love to travel and move around quite frequently. Since I moved away from home 3 years ago I’ve now lived in 2 countries, 2 provinces, 6 cities and 7 houses. Not bad, if you ask me. I’m getting decently accustomed to purging and packing and starting over at this point.
So, England. My first move out of Canada. And my first move to a place where I know someone already. Pretty safe. Different enough from home, but not so much so that I feel like an alien.
As far as adjustments go, truly the biggest thing is the uncertainty crossing streets, not knowing what’s going on with the cars around me. Coming from a country where pedestrians have right of way and roads are straightforward, I’m a little fearful that my downfall will be stepping off a curb when I shouldn’t have. Other than that, nothing has thrown me off too much. I mean, I have been here before so it’s not completely new.
I’ve not yet gotten a UK SIM card for my phone, and I’m not hating it. I kind of like not having the distraction while I’m out of the house, so long as I can still open Maps and see where I’m going, I can survive.
So far, I’ve spent my time mostly applying for jobs, walking by the sea, and browsing many grocery stores. I do love a foreign grocery store. I could do a tour of grocery stores just gawking at the new and interesting vegan options and other things that are uncommonly seen in Canada. All in all, decent first week.
Last year I organized my favourite music by location but this year I’m going to organize it by activity, because that seems the most fitting.
BIKING MUSIC
I spent the summer riding my bike around a small town, usually at sunset, and I found myself gravitating towards a certain sound for those post-work rides, a kind of dreamy, upbeat, tapping my fingers on my handlebars type of vibe.
HAIM – Something To Tell You Want You Back, Nothing’s Wrong, Little Of Your Love
Bad Sports – I’m In Love With Myself
George Ezra – Don’t Matter Now
Bleachers – Gone Now Let’s Get Married, Everybody Lost Somebody, I Miss Those Days
Charli XCX – Boys
Now, Now – SGL
MUSIC FOR BUS RIDES
Music from last winter, so it encompasses waiting for buses, riding buses, walking instead of taking the bus, whatever.
Madeline Juno – Salvation No Words, Hindsight, Stupid Girl
Hippo Campus – Landmark Monsoon, Way It Goes, Tuesday
King Charles – Loveblood Lady Percy, Bam Bam, Mississippi Isabel
The Regrettes – Feel Your Feelings Fool! I Don’t Like You, Hey Now, Hot
Husbands – Golden Year Phoenix, Stay Gold, Some Surf
MUSIC FOR WAKING UP
Also good for cooking dinner, doing yoga, or falling asleep.
John Mayer – The Search For Everything Roll It On Home, Still Feel Like Your Man, In The Blood
Lewis Watson – Midnight When The Water Meets The Mountains, Deep The Water, Give Me Life
Dodie – You Would You Be So Kind?, 6/10, You
Rusty Clanton – Calm & Normal You’re In My Head, I Love You (But I’m Leaving)
Julia Nunes – Some Feelings Something Bad, Then OK, Make Out
DRIVING MUSIC
I don’t drive, but I do spend quite a lot of time in cars. These come from the road trips I went on in the spring, the many trips up to Tobermory and back, going camping, etc. etc.
Bear Hands – Distraction The Bug, Bone Digger, Agora
Ed Sheeran – Divide What Do I Know?, Barcelona, Galway Girl
The Maine – Lovely Little Lonely Taxi, The Sound Of Reverie, Bad Behaviour
Harry Styles – Harry Styles Two Ghosts, From The Dining Table, Meet Me In The Hallway
Jocelyn – Just Like Everybody Else
MUSIC FOR SINGING ALONG
Alternatively, music for good moods.
Lorde – Melodrama Supercut, The Louvre, Writer In The Dark
Bugs – Growing Up Instant Coffee, Garbage Man, Island In My Head
Scott Helman – Hotel De Ville PDA, Ripple Effect, 21 Days
Paramore – After Laughter Fake Happy, Pool, Rose-Colored Boy
Jukebox The Ghost – Stay The Night
EMO MUSIC
A mix of angst and melancholy stuff. Mostly melancholy.
Chase Huglin – You Deserve An Island Pills, Niagara
Sorority Noise – Using
Mother Mother – Dread In My Heart
Football Club – The Football Club EP One Dollar Coffee
Girlpool – Powerplant Corner Store, Soup, 123
MUSIC FOR EUROPE
Because I just got back from a 3 week trip and it deserves its own category.
Alvvays – Antisocialites Lollipop (Ode To Jim), Dreams Tonite, Not My Baby
The Front Bottoms – Going Grey Bae, Don’t Fill Up On Chips, Ocean
Knuckle Puck – Shapeshifter Double Helix, Gone, Want Me Around
Misterwives – Reflections
Aly & AJ – Take Me
And a special mention to Niall Horan’s Flicker because even though it just came out, I don’t wanna wait until next year to talk about it. It’s filling that One Direction-sized hole in my autumn playlists and I am so thankful.
What have you been loving??? Did I miss anything? This post ended up being a million times longer than anticipated but I kept remembering tunes as I went and thinking up new categories and it’s kind of a huge mess now. Whatever!!
A lot of the time I feel like a mirage of a soul, in a human body. Like I’m going through the motions but I’m not feeling anything. I fear that people see me as one-sided, fleeting, like I’m not all there. Maybe I’m not.
Things that make me feel spacey:
Job interviews
Talking to cashiers
Drinking too much coffee
Walking somewhere familiar
Things that I feel pressured to enjoy
Doing anything when I’m anxious
And on a bad day, nothing feels grounded. I’ll float through every action and conversation, not taking it in or reacting accordingly.
Things that bring me back to earth:
Freezing cold water
Closing my eyes and breathing deeply
Snowboarding
Laughing with my friends
Yoga
Climbing/hiking
Washing dishes
Singing
Street art and street signs
I’ve talked about being present before on my Instagram and possibly in my Real Life, though only briefly. It’s a weird thing to describe. Sometimes it feels like nothing is real, sometimes it feels like it’s just me that’s transparent. Sometimes it’s in a situation that I find anxiety-inducing and it’s almost a way of coping – by removing myself mentally and sitting in a quiet panic while everything around me moves. Sometimes it is triggered by nothing at all. It’s not like when you are so focused on a task that time moves quickly but more like when you slowly fall asleep watching a movie and wake up intermittently but you’re fighting so hard to stay awake that you convince yourself you hadn’t been asleep. But when trying to recall the movie there are pieces missing. This spacey feeling is like I’m half-asleep for parts of my life, but everything continues as usual. Hopefully this makes sense to somebody out there. Or actually, I hope it makes sense to no one. Because it’s not a very nice thing to feel.
The moment that I realised I had been spacing out was the first time I did hot yoga. When the class was over the teacher asked if I’d enjoyed it and the first thing I said was, “I feel like I just woke up.” I had been particularly vacant during my trip to Halifax, and it took the pure physical focus of yoga to bring me back to the real world. I recently read Eat, Pray, Love and then watched a yoga documentary called Why We Breathe and they both reiterated the fact that yoga is supposed to ground you in your body and that is exactly how it felt. I wasn’t thinking about anything but being there in that humid room, doing what the teacher was instructing. Of course, I’d like to also feel grounded in my everyday life, but I’ll get there. If I can catch myself disconnecting, I’ll be able to take a second and breathe or something. Some days I just want to feel something, anything. But of course, if I never felt bad, I wouldn’t appreciate feeling good nearly as much as I do. Right?
I have the audio to this video saved on my computer, and it wouldn’t exist had he not felt numb at some point, and I hope to make something good from all my bad, too.
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