hung up

apologies for the lil hiatus – here’s a thing I wrote in the spring

i’ve kept all these people as options
never letting them walk out of my life fully
in my mind i’ve kept them
hung on the back of a door
by the collars of their shirts
in case i ever need someone

i say i don’t want to play games
as i deal the cards out

i never commit to any one
for fear of losing the others
but by doing that
i don’t truly have anyone
just parts of people
spread over cities i don’t live in
and won’t visit
because it’s not like we are dating
right?

but i don’t say anything
i simply keep them hung up,
and stay hung up on them

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xo, rachel

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hiraeth

a homesickness for a home you can’t return to, or that never was

Every place I’ve ever been wasn’t mine

Because I didn’t make it so

I’m fleeting 

Before I even catch my breath

I’m leaving

Before I can be left

I only pull closer

The things that want to stray

I only remember

What wouldn’t stay

I can’t feel okay

Until someone’s walking away

Xo, Rachel

The 5 Year Plan

In 5 years
all I want
is a place
to call home
and someone who
will be there
by my side
for that adventure

I don’t care
about hourly wage
or corporate climbing
I just want
to be making
something worthwhile or
doing something positive
in any way

In 5 years
I only hope
to be looking
5 years ahead
with hopeful eyes
and no plan
no plan
at all


Xo, Rachel

haikus_2

Caught in a mess I
Made all by myself again
And you told me so

Growing my hair out
So you won’t recognize me
You don’t know me now

Oceans in between
If we ever meet again
I’d still pull you close

Maybe you never
Meant to make a mess of me
You could help clean up

My aloe plant is
Growing big enough to heal
My whole broken heart


Xo, Rachel