Let’s Talk: Part 4

Ok hi! This is the first time I’m posting this on my Real Blog and not my Tumblr so I’m a bit nervous but here we go!!

I’ve been posting little updates/pep talks for myself on Bell’s Let’s Talk day every year for the past 4 years and somehow I still get my thoughts all jumbled and forget to include probably important stuff even though I am trying here. Bare with me.

So, we all know that mental health is important. And we all know that it’s so hushed. And we all know that half the battle is feeling like you’re alone in your experiences. We know this, yet we gloss over things because we are afraid? I don’t know why we do this.

Personally, last year was a bit of a mess. I have come to realise though that life is supposed to be up and down and you have to ride it out. I spent my summer in one of the most beautiful places in Canada and I felt horrible. I also spent some time doing nothing in the middle of nowhere, feeling great. I definitely felt more depressed this year as opposed to the previous year being fuelled by anxiety, these things seem to come in waves. I also started feeling very spaced out, or at least noticing that I was feeling spaced out, which was sweet. Overall, it was a year of recognising my feelings and trying my best to accept them instead of pushing them away. See, for a long time I couldn’t draw the line between “I’m upset because of my brain” and “I’m upset because something upsetting has happened” and that was frustrating. I kept going back and forth with “well, would a normal person be mad about this or is is just me? Am I in a depressive state or am I just sad because I miss my family? What’s the difference?” and if you’ve ever had that inner debate, I have no advice, but I’m right here with you.

Last year my goal was to make my blog a place where people could go to have their feelings validated by sharing more and more of the things I tend to keep to myself. Whether that be the things that make me anxious or the way it feels to be in a depressive low or even the way I feel when I feel great! I’ve just been having human emotions out here in the open and nobody has come at me with a pitchfork. I’ve gotten feedback from people that I don’t know, and even some people that I hadn’t spoken to in years, because they read my words and found a kind of comfort. That really kept me going through all of October and even now – it’s nice to know that even though sometimes I feel like I’m sending these thoughts into a void, they occasionally reach other humans.

It makes me want to write more and talk more and text my friends to tell them that I don’t feel alright and tell them why and have them tell me they have felt the same, or simply send me heart emojis. I don’t know. I’ve been trying to be a more empathetic person instead of a disconnected robot person and it’s been working out quite well.

Talking helps. So much. More than yoga and more than drinking water and more than hurting yourself.

Use your words, friends.

Xo, Rachel


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