“I keep telling myself I am hollow, because for some reason that seems better than admitting I am full of poetry I refuse to write” – Madisen Kuhn (Eighteen Years)
Here is my formal introduction to this inevitable mess that I’m calling Blogtober. No, it’s not an original name. But this was a very last minute decision and the name doesn’t matter all that much to me. I’m going to post something on this blog every single dang day in October. I don’t really have much of a plan past that. I’ve never been a planner. Expect a little bit of life talk, old poems, photos, and whatever else tickles my fancy.
The main reason I am doing this is because I have not been writing lately. I filled an entire journal between March and May, and most of another one by July, but have only filled a handful of pages in the months since then. It is not because my life has stopped happening. It is not because I’ve been stagnant. It is almost the opposite – I’ve been distracting myself by moving constantly, so I don’t have time to think. I’ve been avoiding my feelings because I do not feel like feeling them. I, like Madisen, am full of poetry. And I refuse to write it. I want to write about August and September, but every time I pick up my purple pen, I put it back down. At lot has happened in these months and I so badly wish I could just get it out of my head but I guess I’m not ready to deal with it just yet. So I hope by the end of October, I’ll be able to share all of these new stories with you, hopefully I’ll finally write them. I know I’ve got metaphors and verses inside of me. I must find the words.
Here is a little excerpt from one of those pages I’ve written while I haven’t been writing:
Sitting on the beach earlier I had so many thoughts in my mind that I wanted to write down but now I can’t think of a single one. I have so many stories to tell but my brain is too tired to tell my fingers to move.
Wake up, brain, the day waits for no one.