backwards/forwards

So here’s another year in review, as there is another whole year I’ve lived through.

It’s been a pretty good one. I’ll try to summarize with some stats.

Overall theme: love

Started in: Cumberland, BC, Canada

Finishing in: Torquay, Devon, England

Live shows: 4 (The Maine, Taylor Swift, Frank Turner, The Arkells)

Countries visited: 4 (Canada, England, Italy, Romania)

Jobs: 3

Journals filled: 2

Most played song: Get Away by George Ezra

Favourite movie: The Greatest Showman

Favourite book: Honeybee by Trista Mateer

Best burritos: Bang Bang in Toronto, Ontario

Advice from Dad: talk to each other

Overarching lesson: relationships are a learning process, just like knots and snowboarding, and the more you get into them, the more there is to master. There is no shame in not knowing, only in knot trying. Basically, open yourself up to doing things wrong, so you can figure out how to do it right next time.

Intentions for the year ahead: get back to yoga, see at least 4 new countries, start the poetry book I want to make, invest myself in a new hobby, and commit to actively reducing the amount of waste I produce in daily life.

Some words for a new year:

Because of course, you don’t need a new year to make positive changes. Any day is a good day to better yourself. And any day is a good day to reflect on what you’ve accomplished.

Xo, Rachel

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three

Well then. I’ve gone and done it again.

3 years straight of blogtober – and for what? Mostly, I think, to prove it to myself. When I’m determined, I seem to figure things out. To encourage myself to continue writing, to be able to look back, to catalog another year. If nothing else, this always feels like an accomplishment. Even if I don’t say anything profound, even if my blog will never get a million views. I accomplished this either way.

Without getting too deep into it, this month was not easy. There were days I didn’t want to post anything, and there were days I felt like my heart wasn’t in it anymore.

My emotions were all over the place in October. I was really struggling in this new environment, and my anxiety felt debilitating some days. I’ve dealt with this long enough to know that it comes and goes – though I’m sure if you’ve had a good streak too, you really want to believe that you’re past it for good. I know for me it always feels like a huge step backwards. I have to tell myself that it’s not. Or if it is, what does it matter? Life goes on. Sometimes I just won’t have it in me to ask a salesperson for help.

Still out here dancing in the rain.

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If you read any or all of these posts, I hope you got something from it. And – thank you. For hearing me out.

xo

our first summer

Head resting on my shoulder
My feet in cold water

Our first summer
With words on paper
Postcards in envelopes
We speak through airwaves

You’ll bring the cold
But I’ll keep some heat
I’ll change my sheets
Don’t leave me alone

Just come over
That’s what I told her

Our days are out of time
I can’t write anything that rhymes
My heart got on a plane
When it returns, there will be poems

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I promise I’m nearly finished with all of my sappy long distance posts. I had a lot of free time to write and some pretty good inspiration – soon enough I’ll have gotten it all out of my system.

xo

the summer

And now, the last season I have to catch myself up on.

We already know that my summer was spent in a long distance relationship, but I haven’t yet shared what else went on in those months.

For the first time ever, I went back to a job. This was kind of a big deal for me. This also meant I was in a familiar place where I felt comfortable, and for once, I wasn’t throwing myself out of my comfort zone. It was interesting.

My summer months were spent in the woods again, hiking, biking, swimming, climbing, breathing in fresh air. In some ways, it felt like going home. Or returning to summer camp (not that I’ve ever been to summer camp).

Tobermory, I know I’ll see you again one day.

xo